Live Your Big Adventure

Last week we worked on being honest with ourselves about what we really wanted to be doing with our time and money and we cleared away some activities to make room for the new. This week we’re going to continue with that strategy by working on being honest about we feel about others. In particular, we’re going to focus on when we have hidden resentments that pop up whenever the person’s name is mentioned. Resentment is caused by our belief that someone else did something to harm us and hasn’t rectified the situation. There they go on their merry way while I stand here wounded. If only they would change so that I could feel better. This strategy is going to involve a lot of waiting. However, let’s turn that around and focus on the only place we have a chance at creating positive change – ourselves.

This week, write down three resentments that immediately come to mind. These are the ones that can absorb our day if we let them. They can be as small as finding the copier paper tray empty once again or more serious and far-reaching like discovering that our spouse used the credit card even though it wasn’t in the budget. Writing them down is the first step in letting go of resentments and finding resolutions. We gain awareness. The second step is to write down under each one what reasonable steps you can take to resolve the situation. For the copier example it may be that you build into your copying time, time to refill the tray and you let the annoyance go. This is a good example of picking your battles and realizing this is probably not going to be the hill you want to die on this time. The second example of the credit card may take longer but here’s where you’re going to start working on a reasonable solution. There’s that word, reasonable again. Possible steps may be to have an honest and open discussion about how much money is coming in and how much is flowing out to investments, savings and debt. Counseling may also be in order for more serious issues. The main point though is that rather than standing back and feeling helpless, it’s possible to remove the emotional surge, the drama, and consider other consequences. Then it’s no longer about being right, which can feel like you’re calling the other person wrong – and who’s going to feel good about that – and it’s about a resolution.