Week of February 1st, 2010:
This week we’re going to focus on the things we do to make ourselves look good that don’t represent us well. There are two categories in particular we’re going to address with this exercise. The first is the actions we take in order to make ourselves look better and even if it started out with a lot of honesty about expectations or abilities, we became attached to the way it made us look or what it got us and little by little we said less and less. We stopped asking for help or admitting we were in over our heads. The second category is when we’re still taking an action that we’ve already decided no longer serves us, big or small, because we don’t want to admit a mistake or offend someone else. The consequence of both of these types of actions is that we start to know ourselves less and less and we’re no longer expending our energy completely on creating what we desire. An ever-increasing portion is draining away toward something we don’t want, can’t do and know deep down, is over.
Take out the journal you’ve started from previous weeks and this time, write down three things you’d quit today, if only you could find a way. A good barometer of what that might be is anything that you can bring to mind and quickly feel guilt, regret or resentment creep up inside of you. Before you can overwhelm yourself with the reasons you should keep repeating this behavior till there’s a way to save face and then quit, write it down. Under each one write down all of the money you’ve spent on each one and total it up. Now, calculate the hours you’ve spent on each project and include any preparation time as well. Total that up as well. These are the very real costs behind the continual re-decision to stay with something you’d rather not be doing. What could fill that time instead that would set you out on your adventure?